Hurricane Katrina

I have this morning routine...sometimes it happens at noon haha but I have been trying to get in to the habit of doing. Ya know, becoming that humbled homemaker :) (its a work in progress :) haha) Newho, one thing on that list is to blow off the front and back porch to keep the spiders away. I don't like spiders and quite frankly I'm tired of opening my front door and walking into a spider web. My inner ninja comes out. I'm sure its been a GREAT laugh for my sweet neighbors seeing this 4 foot nothing girl bust out some ninja dance moves.

The other day I was lost in my emotions as I was blowing the front porch off. Thinking about this last year, the new adventure we are on, finding a new church home, Jeremy's deployment and soon retirement. BIG changes. Wondering what was going to happen and how much I just needed to know God was still in this chaos. My train of thought was broken by this HUGE gust of wind that seemed to be blowing the opposite direction I was trying to go with the leaf blower. This wind was ticking me off! It was blowing everything back on the front porch. Aggravated I started to CHASE the wind with the leaf blower to show it who was boss.

The wind would gust I would fight back. I was seriously twisting and turning fighting this wind to stop blowing the direction I didn't want it to go. I even called the wind stupid. Debris was flying EVERYWHERE. I ended up with more debris on the porch and in my mouth than I started with. I finally gave up. Turned the leaf blower off, plopped down defeated on my red chair and the tears came. These overwhelming tears of this familiar place of defeat and something else not going the way I wanted it to, just took me over. Commence what my husband calls a "Godtantrum"

In the middle of this place another BIG gust of wind came through as if to mock me and then something beautiful happened. The tears on my face were wiped away and it dawned on me....hurricane Katrina! How many times have I fought God's direction? How many times has He tried to direct me but I fought back with vengeance because I want what I want? How may times was He trying to redirect me but I was just to prideful to back down? How many times have I taken that leaf blower and created hurricane Katrina in the guiding light of His will for my life? Dang it God! Another lesson? hahaha. This moment was humbling and convicting but a moment I needed. Nobody likes to be told what they are doing wrong let alone redirected. We think we know whats good for us. The direction we are going could very well end up being the very path that breaks us and God can see that. He can see the beginning to the end and has a plan already laid out. My free will and pride seem to get in the way some days. Leading me to fight WIND with a leaf blower as if I could win. HA!

To often I look back through the eyes of pain and pride that I get mixed up in my flesh and forget that God has a BEAUTIFUL plan for us. Sometimes God really does have to create this HUGE gust of wind to push me in the direction He needs me to go. It may take me a few moments of "fight like hell" with my leaf blower, blowing around like a moron before I get the point to be quiet and still but nonetheless I am guided to a place of "Okay, I'm listening Father."

This faithful walk with Him is TOUGH y'all. I stumble CONSTANTLY! At least 10 times a day and some days I just "can't even". I am learning to quite my mind and line my thoughts up in accordance to His word. As Paul said "Whatever is TRUE, whatever is NOBLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, LOVELY, ADMIRABLE--if anything is EXCELLENT or PRAISEWORTHY --think about such things." He laid the foundation for getting our minds lined up with God's.

We can trust our lives, our future as mothers and fathers, our post-retirement life and everything in between to the one Who will always uphold us with His right hand no mater how many times we may stumble. No matter how many times I sit in that red chair feeling broken and overwhelmed He will never let me fall (Psalm 37:24) because He is still the same God that blessed Sarah's womb, made a way for Noah by splitting the Red Sea and devouring their enemies. He is still that small voice in a gentle breeze pushing you in the right direction or in my case getting my stubborn attention to remind me He is closer than I could ever imagine :) You just have to be patient. He makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecc 3:11)