Is God still enough?

I know most of you have been following our journey to our forever family. The ups the downs and the very heartbreaking hurdles. I cant say thank you enough for being supportive and giving me a safe place to let it all out. Yesterday I posted a blog that was really hard for me to write. I try my hardest to "find Jesus in the chaos" but yesterday I just couldn't feel anything but some VERY raw emotions. Now that I have a cleared mind; emotions let out I can think with my Jesus goggles :O)

About a year ago a friend of mine sent me an audio sermon. It was based off of a blog where a sister in Christ touches home to the worries and what if's of the world. She changes the "what if's" into "even if's". Even if your greatest fear happened is God still enough? I wasn't in a very good place, the reason why she was sending it to me. We had just lost our babies and I was not in the frame of mind to hear anything from God. I wanted what I wanted. Nothing more nothing less and quite frankly I wanted answers not another scripture or sermon. I was just mad at God. So I did my Christian duty....read it, said thank you God and didn't think anything else of it....until today.

This writer asked a question that at the time I couldn't answer.

"Even if the worst happens, is God still enough?"
Even if what you worry about the most happens is our God still enough? Think of what scares you the most or what you fear the most and insert in to this "Even if ____, is God still enough?"

When I read this blog the worst had already happened. I was already in the valley treading deep waters wondering where my God was. I wouldn't be able to see them grow up. See their first steps, send them off to school and then go home and have my mom cry because my babies were growing up. I was grieving the seasons of motherhood I wouldn't see; and now I am afraid of loosing all of that again. So for me, that above scenario would read like this...

"Even if we loose another child. Is God still enough?"

I cant answer that with just a word. Its much more deeper than that for me. Much like this writer I have found that my faith has been driven by what God could do for me. If I did "this" then He would give me "this" (insert my no longer naive laugh) This journey has taught me that faith doesn't work like that. Faith really is taking the first step without seeing the staircase. Faith is doing your part and trusting that God will do His. Faith is trusting God more than any unrelenting fear you have. It's a faith like David. A mere shepherds son who had wrestled lions and bears to keep his sheep safe. He had a confidence in God that He hand delivered him from the claws of death and guess what? God would deliver him from the Philistine giant Goliath. David stood up when all the Israelite soldiers were shaking in their armor and said "“Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him.” (1 Samuel 17:32) and with ONE STONE David conquered the philistine giant Goliath and inherited Israel.

This journey has made me feel like David. Put me in many situations where I have felt like I had to fight like hell while others sat back and watched what was going to happen. My confidence in The Lord may not be as strong as Davids but nonetheless I can relate to his story. Much like David I am not anyone special. I'm short, loud, feisty and emotional. Most people tune me out and brush me aside as just "being Trina" but God doesn't. God has a way of taking us "not so special" people and turning us into kings and queens. Showing us something so much more valuable than how the outside world sees us if we just have a little bit of faith.

Fostering is standing up like David did and fighting the good fight. Its being a servant who boldly takes up the courage to say "Don't loose heart Lord, your servant will go and fight for your children."
This journey, its a calling. Its the real life fulfillment of John 14:18. It's little ol'me TRUSTING with all that I have in me that this may be our forever child/ren when we say "yes" to the placement. It's lil ol'me believing God's promise to us.
And tomorrow its "Team Wilhelm" taking up the stone of faith walking into the battle and saying "We TRUST YOU FATHER! Because we value Your sovereignty and Your perfect timing."

So whats my answer?"Even if we loose another child, is God still enough?"

No....

God is MORE than enough! Even if we loose another child. Our God is more than enough! As long as I am standing and I still have breath in me, that means God has not failed me. It means we have been delivered from the hand of any and all evil that trickles into our journey. It means He isn't done with us yet. It means that there are more battles He needs us to fight for Him. We will continue to fight the good fight so that one day we can inherited what God has in store for us. It may not be the easiest of journeys to find our forever but I can tell you I know God is near. It may be hard to let go of the glimpses you get to what your "forever" can look like but I know everything we face has already passed through His hands. So I know, even if the heartache comes it will be blessed. Good WILL come from it. I know God has a plan and I trust Him. He is more than enough...even if the worst happens.