I think of you

Tomorrow we gather around to celebrate the mothers in our lives. Whether it be our step-mom, birth mom, adopted mom or just a mother figure in your life. We come together to say thank you, to say I love you and I see you. All that you do, did and all that you continue to do. As I approach my first Mothers day. It feels bitter sweet. Just a year ago I was dreading this day and all that it represented. My heart hurt. I felt a deep down kind of pain that I cant readily explain and here I am......a foster mom celebrating her first mothers day. Oh glory, what God can do in just a year.

And yet I cant help but to think about all my friends trying to conceive.
The friends who had to say goodbye to their little's ever before even seeing their faces, the ones fighting to have a child. Putting their minds, bodies and soul through turmoil. The ones fighting like hell to make their miracle baby happen. My warriors! Today I think of you!
I think of how proud I am to know you! How much my heart knows the pain and how even though I may be here in this season of motherhood I will NEVER forget you. Not even on mothers day! I will ALWAYS be here cheering you on, praying you forward in your journey and anticipating the day that I can REJOICE with YOU on your first mothers day! Please don't let today hurt you. Don't let bitterness take root like I did. Those pesky little weeds are HARD to kill and pull up. Instead, I pray that today you feel a joy that surpasses the pain. Peace that lifts your spirits and a comfort that gives you a renewed hope that just maybe...next year we will be celebrating YOUR first mothers day however motherhood finds you. I think of you today warriors!

I think of my children's birth moms. Is that weird?
The one thing and the very most inner part of my being we share. Because of them I am a mom. I get to celebrate today and feel like a mom. Not just a fur mom but "mom mom" ;) Their birth moms carried them and sustained a pregnancy in a world where people are so quick to terminate. For that I am GRATEFUL. I could not imagine my life without our children. I have four children who are not my own and even if it was just for a moment in time I was their mom. I got a chance. Their mothers gave me what I cant give myself. Their loss will NEVER be my gain. My children will ALWAYS have two mothers and that is not lost with me. Today I think of YOU birth moms and despite it all I am eternally grateful that you choose life so that I could be a mom. THANK YOU!

I think of my dear friend Rachel who I get to celebrate our first mothers day with. Their story is much like ours and my heart rejoices that we don't walk this journey alone. They are our village people...family for life. We have a special bond not just as mothers but as friends. I am crying as I type this. I cant believe we are here. A day longed for, hoped for and its finally here. Next step...."GOTCHA DAY!!!" I can not wait!! BOAT SONG! :) I think of you today Rachel and how blessed I am to have you in my life! Happy FIRST mothers day!

I think of my grandmother. If you have EVER wondered where I get my spit fire attitude from....yep. That would be her. My grandmother was a STRONG strong woman. She raised four children in a foreign land with no family other than her in laws AND was a Navy wife. My grandmother was amazing. She was the first of our family to come the US from Japan. I think of her today and wish so much that I could ask her how she did it. How she handled being a military wife and mom. There are days when I feel so overwhelmed I wish she was still around so I could pick up the phone and just say "What do I do grandma?" I miss her everyday and wish she could have had the chance to meet our children but God had other plans. My children will always know who you are and our love for the sand between our toes and sunkissed skin. Today I think of you grandma and I am sending to you my first Happy mothers day as a mom. I love you!

I think of my mother in law Mary. We may have gotten off to a rocky start but I am thankful for where our relationship is now. I am thankful for the man you raised to be my husband and for loving our children as your own. I am so thankful for your encouraging words and reminders that I am doing a good job even if I don't feel like it. I can never get to much advice and guidance on this thing called motherhood. Even if we only get to talk once every.....five years ;) the conversations always lift my heart. I love you Mary. Happy mothers day.
I think of my mother in law Denise. From the first time I met you at Josh's graduation to now you have always made me feel connected to you. I didn't feel like I had to try to be anything I wasn't you just always accepted me. I am so thankful for you! You will always be my Momma Wilhelm and a grandma to our children. Thank you for loving our littles as if they were your own! I love you and Happy mothers day!

Lastly I think of my momma. Since becoming a mom I have a new found appreciation for her. Battles she fought that we never knew about, sleepless nights, tension headaches and an unconditional love that I now understand. I cant tell you how many times I have come crying to her to only be reminded "its all going to be okay baby". I finally get to share in motherhood with you and I am so grateful you know what to do because there are days I feel like such a failure and so drained but you can make it all fade away. I love you mom. Thank you for loving our children. I know this has not been easy on you, you love grandbabies that you don't  know if they will be our forever or not but I thank you for taking a chance and stepping out with us. Thank you for loving me through this journey, motherhood and for loving our children. They are lucky to have you as a grandmother even if its just for a moment in time. I love you momma and of course I think of you today! :)