Through the valley.

The last couple of years we have seen our share of some dark valleys. Dark places that would make anyone say "I give up!" I give up on religion, I give up the faith, I give it all up! We are good people (at least I feel like we are). We help others without asking for anything in return, we tithe our 10%, we encourage the fallen among us, we strive to be a living example of Gods love but yet we face so much heartache. Why does this happen? Better yet....what did we ever do to deserve this? (Ever feel like this? Can I get and Amen!???)

This last week has come close to breaking me. I thought infertility did me in but what we are facing now is beyond my worst nightmares. A fear & anxious worry that has become a reality. Life changed for us in the blink of an eye. We went from this "new normal" life to a completely different realm......a frightening one. A DARK valley. I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm angry, I'm hurt and yet somehow I am at peace? I want to be angry at God! I want to scream and yell and say I hate you! Why did you allow this to happen to us? WHY!?? Why do bad things happen to good people Lord? WHY!? What did we do to deserve this?

 

I KNOW I am no the only person to ever face these faith defining moments. We all walk through a valley a time or two in our life and beg these questions. We all ask Why God? We have ALL seen our share of trying times. Whether it be the death of a child, mental illness, drug abuse, false accusations, broken relationships, death of a loved one, cancer etc. We have all seen our share. We have all been broken down and reminded that we really aren't in control of our life. Things will come our way that we couldn't possibly have prepared ourselves for despite the effort. So why God? Why not let us have our cake and eat it too? Why not let us live this glorified life here on earth? Free of trouble, trials and despair? I have asked this over and over again the last couple of years and I finally have a "Trina answer" to this question.....those who know me know this will not be a short answer :-) so sit back and stay with me!

It can be summed up in three ways. Free will! Gods miraculous grace giving character and Heaven. We have free will. Simple as that, we have the power to do, say and act as we please. We are not Gods puppets. We have the choice to make right and wrong decisions, some of the problems we face are due to our own doing. We all want that scapegoat. I know I have done that. Wanted to blame someone else for the mistakes I have done because it's easier to point the finger than to take a reality "self check" and look at yourself. Guilty as charged. Free will means EVERYONE has it. Which in retrospect means everyone has the choice to make things right or screw them all up. No amount of control or worry you put into trying to understand why someone does what they do will ever ease the heartache. If you wouldn't do it, you won't ever understand. Simply put, if your not a murder you won't ever understand why someone would murder another person. Free will also means you have the choice to lean on God or....yes, the adversary (the devil). The bible tells you that we live in a fallen world. This life we have will be trampled upon by the adversary. That is his job! To seek, kill and destroy. Anything outside of peace, love & comfort doesn't come from God but yet He gets the brunt of our anger and our pain when in reality it should be pushed into the adversaries direction. I think we do this because we see God as being this higher being who has the ultimate control....kind of like a genie ;-) but when you learn about Who God is you start to realize that He is the maker of the stars, He is a savior, He is a healer.....He isn't a genie.

God can not control us. If He tells the flowers to grow, they grow. If He tells the wind to blow and tress to move, they hop to it! He tells us to be still.....we don't have to! He tells us "don't do that" we don't have to listen. He tells us "try this"....you get the picture :-) We get to choose. We get to choose to listen to that still small voice inside of us or carry out on our own. I often wonder how much His heart breaks watching us hurt each other and ourselves because we are lost, feeling alone and scared when we face the ugliness of the world or how much tighter He holds us when we are hurting so deeply while we curse His name.

So why doesn't He intervene? I mean Gods suppose to be this all knowing, miraculous God right? A mind reader? This is because He is a gentleman, He doesn't come in unwelcomed. He ASKS us to choose Him. He ASKS us to follow Him. He ASKS us to love Him, trust Him and lean on Him (all free will, He doesn't force it upon anyone) and I am here to tell you, He fights more battles for you than you can ever imagine. Be thankful we don't see all of them.

He is not a flashy God. He is calm, loving and a very still small voice. That is his character and until you grasp that you will always fight the battle of "why not speak up Lord!? Why not be bold so I KNOW your here Lord?" (been there done that!) It's just not His character. You will fight a loosing battle hahaha. Gods not going to change. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. If you don't know Gods character I want you to start TODAY looking for Him in everything. The flowers that bloom, the leaves that fall, the smile on a newlyweds face, children's laughter, the joy in this world, the peace, the love! That's Him!!! Seek that!!! :-)

He doesn't always intervene because it may just not be part of His plan for you. See God sees the whole picture. He sees our life from beginning to end and He already knows it's going to be okay. The bible tells us that no weapons formed against us will prosper and all evil works in our lives will be turned into good. ITS GONNA BE OKAY!!! :-) I KNOW in the heat of the moment when your heart is hurting or your curled up in bed dying on the inside it doesn't feel like it but please let me encourage you that He is there. He is holding you! He is fighting for you!! He WILL turn it all around. It takes time and a whole lot of faith!

The Lord never said that we would live a care free life but He did promise to be by our side, to show us what way to go, to help lift us up when we can't even hold our own weight from this world. Jesus knows! He experienced EVERY single heartache and test imaginable, He knows! Take comfort in that. Take comfort in having someone who understands and mark my words, He will most certainly put people in your path to help you through! I have been blessed this last week to encounter strangers struggling like me or ones who have been down this path and hold the key to help our family walk through the right doors to help us on our journey through this valley.

 I wholeheartedly believe we go through trials so we can help others. We fight through them with a sense of victory because we know it's going to be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but one day! One day we will see the other side of the valley. If you believe in God you know you will see the other side! It's the journey in between that is scary and our most defining moments. It's in the journey that we see what we are made of and we get to see Gods miraculous grace giving character. It is in our weakness that His marvelous strength is magnified. That's when we really get to see His hands at work in our lives. It's easy to praise God when life is going great. It's in our weak moments when we can still fall to our knees in the ashes of our life and still thank Him for all we have left (read Job for a true testament of that kind of faith! It so inspiring! He is my go to guy when I'm in the valley!)

And lastly, Heaven! Heaven is the only place where life will be perfect. No pain, no troubles, no cancer, no mistakes, no death etc. Heavenly peace, love and perfection. I fight through these valleys and try my best to live my life for The Lord so that I can graduate from this life and on to the perfect place...Heaven. I don't want you to feel discouraged. I want you to feel prepared. To know that life here will not be perfect. So don't expect perfect days. Expect beautiful days, hurtful days, joyful days, trying days and victorious days. Expect different seasons that will come with their own troubles and joy. God isn't picking on you, He isn't saying this is your punishment for doing "this" or "that", He isn't saying He doesn't see the treasures your are trying to build up in Heaven vs the world. Oh, how He sees YOU! How he loves you! Take ownership of that. Take ownership that you WILL see the other side of whatever valley you are walking through!

I hope I haven't lost you ;-) and I hope this makes sense. I am not perfect and I sure do not live a trouble free life. Things happen and sometimes they hurt and can break us if we allow them too. This last week has shown me how quickly life can change in a 24 hour period. How true it is that we should not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow comes with it's own troubles. I am surviving each day until we see the other side of this valley. I make it through each day by praying for the strength I need today. "Just help me through today Lord!" I cry, Jesus wept! We can cry too :-) I allow myself to grieve when I need it, just make sure you tell yourself your gonna get up and press on after this cry! ☺️ and I have an AMAZING support system that won't let me stay stuck! From tearing up gravel to get to me in my time of need (Kristen & Josh❤️), making sure I tell you one victory for each day (Kaitlin❤️) to checking on me and being there for my husband (Cassidy, Stephanie, Kristen, Kaitlin, April, Joanna, Michelle, Taylor, Katherine, GUPPY 😉 and Shumacher (I call you by your last name because we have so many "Josh's" in our life hahaha❤️) having people to lean on. Reach out. You don't have to walk the journey alone. Lean on each other. BUT most of all? I make it through and we as a couple are making it through this because of prayers! The bible says that were two or more are gathered The Lord is in the midst!!! And I am thankful! That's key to keeping a happy spirit in the midst of trials. Refusing to focus on the bad, the "knit pickin" of trying to find something else wrong will only fuel the hate and anger. So we seek joy, we seek comfort from those that ARE there! We lean on each other and we focus on what and who God has placed in our path to help us through this valley until we see the other side. Like I always say.....just taking it one day at a time! :-)