The final stage....acceptance

Recently I have been asked on multiple occasions by other TTC Moms how I found my "happy place". I wish I could say it was "simple". If it was anything; it was a constant struggle.....well, more like a fight! I fought God so hard trying to make my plans of being a mom work that it put the biggest strain on my marriage. Let's face it, sex is meant to be "fun"; not a chore! I sacrificed a healthy sex life, a social life and at times my own sanity haha. Just to make sure I did EVERYTHING possible to make that "little miracle" happen. I fought God EVERY single step of the way.

I cried a lot, pushed myself beyond  my limits, grew angry, bitter and lost faith. It was MY plan. MY vision. The life WE planned to have as parents. I refused to let go of the image I had in my mind. We serve a just & loving God; if I just held on my miracle would happen....years went by; no miracle. Then one day, I just gave up. I got tired of fighting. I wanted to be happy even if that meant I couldn't have children. People do it everyday, have happiness in the midst of their pain. I wanted that. I didn't want to spend my life trapped; so I prayed. I spent more time in the bible and with God than I did in my head trying to understand why & what was so wrong with me.

 
One day my husband came to me and told me, "you aren't broken. Carrying a child doesn't make you a mother. Love does." (Yes I have the most amazing husband in the entire world ;-) lol) it was in that moment I finally "understood" in my heart that I don't need to be pregnant to be a Mom. It was as if my mind and heart were finally on the same page. I am no defined by my infertility. My ability to carry a child doesn't make me any less of a woman or a mother. It doesn't define me as a Mom. Jesus loved me when I was a sinner and before my parents even knew of me. I am not from Mary's womb but I am adopted by Christ through love as his sister; children of God. I don't need to be pregnant to love a child. I don't need to carry a child to call them my own. I love all 6 of our Godchildren as if they are my own. LOVE makes a family; and we have so much of that to give. What God showed me was I just want to be a mom and it doesn't matter how it finds me.
 

As women we are strong & DETERMINED to persevere. No matter what storm/s we weather strength always seems to find us. Somehow; someway. So hold on to God, surrender it ALL & walk with Him. He will guide your every step, it was the best decision I made. He freed me from my despair & the devils worry, sadness and brokenness that were stuck on my heart and in my mind. He brought me through my grief. Somewhere in all of my pain I learned to accept my circumstance and I found my happiness; and so will you! ❤️

"You are not just waiting in vain. There is a purpose behind EVERY delay"

-Mandy Hale-