The anxiety settles in

We've waited so long to have our family and we are ALMOST there. Its bonkers how your paitence wears unusually thin when your RIGHT there at the final stage of something you've wanted for so long. Time seems to slow down. You think..."lets keep busy" the house is already spotless because you have been OCD cleaning to keep yourself busy. So you do another once over expecting to look at the clock and hours have passed........
 

GRRRRRR!

 You would think between school and everyday life I would have my time well managed.....no. My mind is so wrapped around this I stay in my "baby brain". I have no idea how I am passing my classes right now. Last week, TOTALLY guessed on my exam......made an 80!????? How did that happen? All I could do was laugh; I definitely had some help for the big man upstairs on that one. I have been DISTRACTED! Every time my phone rings my heart drops. "Is this THE CALL?" THE CALL that determines our family? A sigh of relief and disappointment occur without missing a beat when I realize it isn't our social worker. Relief because I'm scared. I'm ready but I'm not ready. Is it possible to have "new mom fears" when your fostering to adopt? Scared of messing up? Scared of not being what they need? Scared that you will do more damage than good? Our journey is different. We will have to earn our children's trust. They wont just come into our lives knowing we are "mom and dad" and they are in a safe place where they are suppose to be. They have been taken from their homes, their family and put into a strangers home who they know nothing about.When you are pregnant there are tests that cover all the ins and outs of your child; you pretty much know what your getting. A healthy child or a child that may have some obstacles to overcome. When your child is born, there is an instant bond. You can hold your child, you can kiss your child! You can coddle your child when they are crying. You can embrace your child like a parent is suppose to do. Is it even okay to parent these children the way we would our own? What we do and don't do could be a "trigger" for our children that sends them in a downward emotional spiral. This "simple" idea of parenting is no longer in our realm. We have to think outside of the box........and our box seems so empty hahaha. We hear so many stories and wonderful ideas on how to interact and were just like ????? You people are the Albert Einstein's of foster parenting........kiddie swimming pool baths because the child is scared of the bathroom! GENIUS! Us? Hmmmm what do I have up my sleeve?..........drawing a blank here......hold on a sec.........yeah-no.....I got nothing hahaha. We would have never thought of that....oh heavens above I hope we don't suck at this.

 

I guess we never imagined we would have to think THAT outside of the box or ask our child if its okay to hug them or sit next to them or give them a suggar. Its a natural instinct for us. Now that we are so close it all seems so real and overwhelming. We pray the good Lord sends us our "out of the box" ideas in our due time because everyday we will have to earn their trust with every move and every word. Our journey will be a fight to show these children a new love. A safe love no matter how hard it gets or how long it takes. Our purpose is to break the mold.....we just pray our love is enough to change their lives..